Death Scrolling: A Confession

Yes, you read the title correctly. I have a confession to make.

In a past blog post, I wrote about the background noise of YouTube — how it often plays like white noise while I write. That was true for a long time. But recently, I got caught in something else. Something louder. Something more consuming.

The sad truth is, I’ve fallen into what I first thought was “doom scrolling,” but no — that’s not the right word. I’d call it death scrolling. The kind that sucks the life out of your soul, particularly when it's about the state of American politics.

This is hard for me to admit, because I’ve always been a proudly apolitical person. I’m non-confrontational by nature. I have my opinions and beliefs, just like everyone else, but I don’t often voice them. I don’t argue. If I have sources that support a position, I’ll share them, calmly and respectfully, and let others take from them what they will.

But something has shifted. Maybe in the culture. Maybe in me.

The American political system has become a circus — no, a full-on disaster — on both sides. Leading up to the last election, I did my homework. I researched the issues, I looked at both sides, and I made my decision based on facts, not tradition. That felt good. That felt responsible.

But what came after? Not so good.

Instead of returning to my quiet corner of reflection and creativity, I got sucked in. I started watching the clickbait, the commentary, the reaction videos, the political gossip. The algorithm delivered exactly what it knew would keep me hooked — rage, ridicule, righteousness — and I took the bait. Again and again.

I’d find myself yelling at the screen or laughing in disbelief at the absurdity of it all. And I wasn’t even engaging — I didn’t comment, I didn’t argue, I didn’t “like” or “share.” I just watched. Silently. Obsessively. Compulsively.

The comments on those videos? Mostly echo chambers. Applause and ass-pats for the creators. If I posted anything that challenged the narrative — even backed up by sources — it was usually ignored or deleted. (Yes, I tested it.)

So here I am. Offering a wholehearted apology.

I’ve spent the past two weeks consumed by death scrolling. And I need to come back to myself. To my sanity. To my purpose.

I didn’t start this blog to chase political shadows. I started it to share my story — to reflect, to connect, to help others navigate the realities of life, especially life as a retired widow figuring things out one day at a time.

So, today, I’m pressing pause on the political madness.

Instead, I’m going to watch the latest Baumgartner Restoration video (because few things are more soothing than watching centuries-old art come back to life) and catch up on the Anti-Chef (because cooking should feel joyful, not performative). I’ll return to the things that nourish me, not the ones that drain me.

I’ll also be reflecting on the lessons this detour has taught me — about boundaries, media consumption, and where I want to focus my energy.

Thank you for your patience. And if you've found yourself caught in the same spiral, consider this your gentle nudge, too.

Let’s get back to what matters.

With grace and growth,
Bethanne

05/19/2025