Procrastination: The Quiet Thief of Our Peace
We all do it.
We put off paying bills until the grace period is breathing down our necks (or worse, until the power company comes calling). We wait too long to send thank-you notes. We forget to water plants until they droop like Victorian heroines. And some days? The biggest accomplishment is staying in our p.j.s with the doors locked and the curtains drawn.
But as retired widows, procrastination shows up differently — and sometimes more dangerously. People tend to give us extra grace… and that grace can turn into a quiet curse.
The Unspoken Excuses Others Make For Us
You’ve heard them:
“Oh, she won’t come. She’s still in mourning.”
“She’s probably having money problems… she’s still in mourning.”
“Don’t call her — she doesn’t want to be bothered. She’s still in mourning.”
These assumptions, meant to be gentle, slowly build a wall.
A wall between us and our lives.
Because procrastination is rarely laziness — it’s fear wearing a comfy sweater.
Fear, Anxiety, and the Illusion of ‘Later’
Procrastination is simply fear dressed in pajamas.
We fear bills because we’re scared the money won’t stretch.
We fear committing to plans because grief feels unpredictable.
And sometimes? We’re afraid for no tangible reason at all — we’re just afraid.
I learned this almost 30 years ago at a mortgage refinance appointment that changed the trajectory of my life.
A Mortgage Broker, a Harsh Truth, and a Turning Point
My husband and I were refinancing from a 13% mortgage (yes, really!) to a 5% loan. I walked into the meeting with an armload of paperwork, feeling fairly confident… until the broker looked at my credit.
It was, to put it mildly, in the depths of hell.
Late payments. High balances. Concern etched all over his face.
I had reasons — good ones. Medical bills. A storm that wrecked our home. A federal tax surprise. My master’s degree loan. Life had happened, and I carried the receipts.
He listened kindly. He even agreed that refinancing would help us.
But then he said something that hit me like lightning:
“I know plenty of people who’ve gone through all of that… but they were never late paying their bills. What will you do when the next catastrophe happens?”
That sentence changed me.
Right there, I prayed.
And God made a way.
We got the loan.
And from that moment on, I stopped procrastinating on bills. I became an early adopter of online bill pay (back when it was still a novelty). For decades now, I’ve never been late again.
Grief, Travel, and the Procrastination That Almost Stole My Joy
I wish that were the end of the story. But procrastination has sneaky feet.
My husband died in February 2020.
We had a trip to Scotland planned for that summer.
Of course, it was canceled — but I didn’t reschedule.
I told myself I was afraid to go alone.
Afraid I’d cry the whole time.
Afraid my children would disapprove.
Then my brother died in January 2023 — just two weeks after he retired. All their retirement dreams… gone.
That loss woke me up.
I realized procrastination wasn’t protecting me.
It was stealing from me.
Stealing joy. Stealing experiences. Stealing time.
So I booked that Scotland trip — as a group tour, to ease the fear.
I started paying myself first.
I prioritized my health.
I began getting dressed for the day rather than letting the day decide for me.
I started asking myself better questions.
The Questions That Keep Me Moving Forward
These are now my personal decision-checkpoints:
Do I want this?
Can I do this?
Can I do this today?
Do I need to contact someone to help me?
Is this a priority?
If I need to wait, can I schedule a time to get it done?
If I can answer “yes” to even one of these — I get moving.
Procrastination loses its power when clarity steps in.
Your Turn: A Gentle Challenge
Now it’s your turn, dear one.
Ask yourself:
Do I want this?
Can I do this?
Can I do this today?
Do I need support?
Is it a priority?
If I must wait, can I schedule it — truly schedule it?
And then?
Choose one small thing you’ve been putting off… and do it.
Today. Not later.
Here’s Mine (In Real Time)
As I’m writing this, it’s the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.
When I’m finished, I’m going to:
✔️ Pre-bake my cake
✔️ Make the dressing
✔️ Prep the broccoli casserole
Three things off the list.
Three acts of kindness to my future self.
Three victories over procrastination.
You don’t have to fix everything today.
Just start with one thing.
And let that be enough.
Blessings,
Bethannne
