It’s My Birthday

Yes, you read that right. Today is my birthday. How am I celebrating? I’m not. Not really. I’ve never liked being singled out on my birthday. I’ve always felt like I didn’t deserve to have a special day. I was embarrassed by the attention.

I didn’t say the above to garner sympathy. It’s simply a statement of fact. I’m not sad about it. It is what it is. It’s just another day for me.

With that being said, there are things I do to mark my passage of time. I take stock of the past year to see where I am. I look at what I’ve accomplished and what still remains to be done. Each year, what I want most is to get better.

I want to be a better mother. I have three wonderful adult children. They are happy, successful, and productive—at least according to what the world deems happy, successful, and productive. I can’t take full credit for this. Their father and I did the best we could with what we had. Our children also had—and still have—a great tribe that helped us raise them.

I still carry great sadness that their father is no longer here to continue influencing their lives. Since my husband’s death, I constantly wonder if I’ve done enough for our children. So many times, I wish he were here to help them make decisions. He was logical, calm, and wise. He could see many sides of a situation and made deliberate choices. I’ve tried to do the same when my kids come to me for advice. Still, it would have been nice if he were here so we could present a united front.

I’ll continue to help them the best I can. I’ll support them when they need it and offer advice when asked, knowing they will ultimately make the best decisions for themselves and their families.

I want to be a better BeBe. The best way I can help my grandchildren is by being present. I need to continue taking care of my health so I can be around for them. My health is no longer a selfish pursuit; it’s necessary. I want to see them graduate from college, get married, and have children of their own. Wow—that’s something to think about. Me, being a Great BeBe.

I want to be a better sister and friend. I’m not great at keeping in touch with family and friends. I’ve thought about this a lot, and I need to start doing a weekly “welfare check.” It can be as simple as a quick text asking how they’re doing and if I can help in any way. Why didn’t I do this before? Laziness? Maybe. I honestly don’t know.

I want to socialize more. It’s very easy for me not to go out. I’m an introvert and become exhausted being around people. Still, I’m sure there are places I can go and things I can do that don’t require large groups. It might be nice to go to a movie or a restaurant every now and then. I may even take a class or go to a museum and talk to—gasp—strangers. I think I can do that.

I want to become more confident and do things outside my comfort zone. I’ve already started by taking voice lessons so I won’t embarrass myself if I decide to audition for another musical.

Side note: Tomorrow afternoon I’ll have a recital where I’ll sing a solo. I’ll be the worst one there, but I’m going to do it. I can only get better for the spring recital.

I want to make The Retired Widow a full-time endeavor. I have a perspective that other widows may benefit from. I can help by letting them know they are not alone. Together, we can build a community where we are seen, heard, and valued.

Do you celebrate your birthday, or do you let it quietly pass? Do you reflect on where you’ve been and where you hope to go next? If any part of this resonates with you—especially if you’re navigating life, loss, or reinvention—I’d love to hear from you. Reach out, share your story, or simply say hello. None of us are meant to do this alone, and sometimes connection is the best gift we can give ourselves.

Blessings,

Bethanne